I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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