Plan B is the new Plan A
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
