Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
