Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
