awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
