I smell stomach acid.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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