I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
