shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
