Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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