But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
