clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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