just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
