I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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