He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did I show you my penis last night?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
