I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
