My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning