guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
