i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
