the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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