I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?