So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.