I am puke
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
