dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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