Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
