i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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