why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
