i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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