she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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