dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im six kinds of drunk right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
