im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
