is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
