Im at strip club and am horny
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
