All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
