There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found the puke drawer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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