Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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