do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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