You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
