this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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