so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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