He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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