was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
