My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even my farts smell like vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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