I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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