i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
