I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
