Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
