how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
