Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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