I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
