White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
