the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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