My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize