You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
