DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
