I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
