Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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