In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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