i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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