I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just gift wrapped bread.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
