Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
