i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
