Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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