if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
