giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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