Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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