If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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