Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
