the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
