Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
