would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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