$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
