Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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