she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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