Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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