is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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