xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
