Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
