I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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