If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
