Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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