you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
