FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize