how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
