Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize