dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
