I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
