It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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