So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
